


Tape 1: Side A - P. Nitram

by Narcis_The_Monk



Series: Confession Tapes [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-17
Updated: 2018-01-17
Packaged: 2019-03-05 23:29:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 8,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13398561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Narcis_The_Monk/pseuds/Narcis_The_Monk
Summary: Part of a set of challenges I do for myself (12 songs, and write a set of flash-fics/ficlets to tell a brief history of each character) for my humanstuck au. Its a very "slice of life" inspired series.This particular set is for the Summoner, or Petras Nitram.One of the Ancestor sets.





	1. Shape Of You

"I'm in love with the shape of you.  
We push and pull like a magnet do.  
Although my heart is falling too, I'm in love with your body.  
Last night you were in my room,  
And now my bedsheets smell like you.  
Every day discovering something brand new."

Petras moved through the house, the party around him in full swing. The lights were kept dim, there were balloons and streamers. And loud music. He wasn't really focused on that right now. He was seventeen and looking for someone. Minerva Serket. He knew her, of course. Their families grew up houses apart. They'd even tried playing Dungeon and Dragons in middle school. It'd been pretty fun.

But apparently, he hadn't really met Minerva yet. Her name had been coming up in more conversations lately, and if he knew Serkets, that meant something. She was rising the ranks of the social ladder incredibly fast for a sophomore. He'd actually thrown the party to lure her here, and he hated how creepy that sounded in his own head. Honestly, it was for curiousity's sake at this point.

The crowd of dancers momentarily broke, and he caught sight of her. She was standing on a coffee table with Roicin, both dancing along with drinks in their hands. He laughed and noticed Seamus standing a bit away, hollering encouragement. Huh. She rolled in a trio. He grinned as he approached her, and held up his hand.

"Hey there, Minerva. Minnie. Been a while." She moved over and took his hand, and slipped off the table in a motion he could only describe as dangerous. She slipped her arms up around his neck and smiled up at him.

"Our heroes meet once again. You know, I thought you might want to talk to me. Why else did you throw this party?" Her voice was smoke and sex, and damn when did they grow up? He smiled and rested his hands on her waist. He gave her his own carefree grin in return.

"I was wondering why your name kept popping up," he responded casually. He swayed softly to the music in the background. Of course it was in the background, he was talking to Minerva. He forgot he had feelings for her when they were younger.

"Why? Did the King come to find his Queen? Because all you have to do is dance with me." She smiled up at him before pushing back just as quickly as she'd slipped into his arms, and he felt he missed her pressence there. She finished her cup of beer and took his hand, leading him to the "dancefloor". He followed her; she had him in her web, and he knew it.

He watched her turn around so she could rock against him. He felt his breath catch. She was amazing. And he knew she was flirting. He knew she was dangerous. Because she'd always been dangerous, it was just now in a form he was willing to let himself drown in. He could feel it. She was the predator here. He was caught in her web, and he was willing to see what the spider had in store for him. They danced for a little while. Eventually they left to the kitchen to get new drinks. They slipped away to his bedroom, climbing out onto the roof. They sipped their drinks and talked into the morning, smoking cigarettes between questions.

He was falling in love with her, and when he woke up the next day to see her tangled, naked in his sheets...he was ready to give her his all.


	2. YOUTH

"My youth, my youth is your's.  
Trippin' on skies, sippin' waterfalls.  
My youth, my youth is your's.  
Run away now and forevermore,   
My youth, my youth is your's.  
The truth so loud you can't ignore.   
My youth, my youth, my youth...  
My youth is yours."

Petras chased Minerva across the field, laughing with her. Her blonde hair billowed out behind her, and she was beautiful in the light of the rising sun. It was summer break, and they'd been together for a year, and he would be a senior next year. And every minute they were together was heaven on earth. He was surprised every day by how much he'd loved, how he'd always loved her.

They'd driven around all through the night. He remembered on a stretch of straight road, when Minerva had been driving, she looked over him with that grin. The one that let him know she had something up her sleeve. She sped up and faced forward, the top down on the car letting her hair blow behind her. And she closed her eyes. It was a moment that should have terrified him, and he found himself absolutely stunned by how confident she looked, how brave she was. He smiled and kept his eyes on her til she opened her eyes again. 

It was only a few seconds, but it felt like hours. And he appreciated every bit of it. He laughed with her, leaning back in the seat. The sound of the wind rushing past him always made him feel at ease, and as long as Minerva was at his side he would die happily. Whenever she was at his side, he felt so alive. 

Right now, they were near the old train tracks. He'd been challenged to catch her. He chased her without concern. He knew he'd eventually catch her. Because secretly, she wanted him to catch her. After a bit of dodging, and laughing, he caught her. He pulled her gently back into his arms and they collapsed down into the field of tall grass. He rolled her gently over in his arms, and pulled her into a kiss. He held her cheek gently, and pulled away when they both needed air. He took deep rugged breaths and chuckled lowly, kissing her nose. It was a moment before either of them spoke, just watching the sun rise.

"You know, I never would have seen this coming. I'm glad it did." Petras spoke in a hushed tone, not wanting to really break the atmosphere around them. They laid in that silence only nature could give. Soft chirping of crickets, soft bird calls, the grass in the wind. He loved nature. He wanted to wake up to this quiet everyday.

"I saw it coming. Because I've known how I felt longer." She responded quickly, the mischief obvious in the twinkle of her eye as she lifted herself up on his chest to rest her forehead against his.

"Oh yeah?" He wrapped his arms around her and smiled softly. He was so relaxed here, hidden away with her. "And why didn't you say anything sooner?"

"You had to be ready to really see me." She responded slowly. She'd really put thought into it. She had been worried he wouldn't see past catching bugs in the backyard, and splashing each other at the beach. To be fair, he didn't until that party.

"I do. I see you. Forever, Minnie. Forever, it's only you." He breathed out the words and pressed kisses across her face. Those freckle on her cheeks were incredibly cute. He could see her eyes sparkling, like she was fighting off tears.

"Forever and ever." She choked the words out with a soft sob. She was happy. He recognized that particular sound from when he'd asked her to be his girlfriend. God, she was so incredible. He wished this moment could last forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "YOUTH" by Troye Sivan


	3. Stay

"Waiting for the time to pass you by.  
Hope the winds of change will change your mind.  
I could give a thousand reasons why,  
And I know you. And you've got to,  
Make it on your own, but we don't have to grow up.  
We can stay forever young."

Petras sat with Minerva, on their picnic table up at the lookout point. This was their place. But today, they sat in silence, each with their own cigarette. They still leaned against each, as if they needed each other to stay up. Right now, they did. They had to talk about the future.

He told her he wanted to go to fire school. He was sure it had to be fire school. He wanted to help fight forest fires. The few they'd had out here had been bad, and it had upset him greatly. He felt this great ache in his chest when he'd thought about that loss of nature, of memories. Of animals, trees, wildflowers. The land they lived near was incredible.

He knew she was also upset that she still had highschool to finish. He would graduate this year, but she wouldn't until next year. And her mother already had college lined up for her. Thankfully she got to choose her path, and she decided to go for business. He applauded her. She wanted to run a bar one day. She had plans, dreams, goals.

Some of them included him. Most of his own included her. And he didn't want to end this. God, no. She was his heart, his soul. She was his energy, his drive. The thought of that possible loss made his heart clench. He felt so short of breath right now. Why did love always make him feel like he was dying?

He knew she didn't like the idea of distance. She feared abandonement. But she had to finish highschool. And the sooner he left for fire school, the sooner he could get back. He could take the last half of his training here in their hometown. He'd be making decent money even by the time he got back, and he'd get them a house. A little trailer out in the outskirts, so they could wake up to that quiet they loved so much. She could still go to college, it'd only be a few years. And he'd come home on holidays.

But he knew she wouldn't. She'd try to make it on her own. She'd let him leave, and release him to wander aimlessly. But would she wait for him? He'd wait for her. He'd wait until the end of time, if it meant she'd return to his side.

He could feel her crying beside him. He put out his cigarette as she dropped her's. He made sure it was out as he pulled her into his lap. He wrapped his arms around her tightly and cried too. He knew it was the end. And he felt absolutely miserable. He made soft shushing sounds, as he rocked her in his arms. He whispered promises to be back every chance he could, and they could spend every last moment together until he left.

He gave his word that she would always hold his heart. He'd never love anyone the way he loved her. She sobbed promises back, before they stopped talking to just cry, and lean against one another. He'd miss the way she felt propped up against him.

He was losing his heart, and he was losing his anchor. What kept him tied to himself, to the ground. She made him feel alive. Grey days were coming far too soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Stay" by Zedd, Alessia Cara


	4. Mouth of the Devil

"We would drink the blood of sleep,  
We would drink until we couldn't speak.  
And I could still hear 'em calling to me, baby.  
Come back to me!  
Come back with me!  
Back to when we were young,  
And making out in the mouth of the devil."

Petras was living about four hours away from his hometown. It was the closest fire school he could find. Ironically, it didn't matter anymore. Minerva and him weren't talking much these days. Or at all. He could feel her slipping away for awhile. It'd been bright for a few months, but they started talking less. They were both tired. They'd spent one Christmas together before they'd just stopped talking. Petras just wanted her to be happy, and if she was doing something to make herself feel happy, then he didn't want to interrupt.

He didn't drink a lot, but he did smoke. He'd gotten a little sloppier in his depression. He sat in the window of his apartment, pipe in hand. The smell of the smoke as he exhaled grounded him, trickling out of his mouth and into the breeze outside. He closed his eyes and thought of Minerva, driving with her eyes closed. He could still see that smile. He smiled faintly. He'd still have those memories.

But oh, he missed those days. He was only twenty and he felt so old. He missed his youth. He missed being at every single party, Minerva on his arm. The envy of all, the person everyone there wanted to be.

He missed car rides with Minerva, staying out til dawn, just hopping from party to party. End the night in a field, watching the sun rise. Going to the forest, and camping out in the woods. Sitting with Roicin and Seamus, listening to Minerva telling a ghost story.

He didn't have much longer he had to be here. But he was sure Minerva had already moved on. His Minnie left him behind, and he could feel himself dying. He brought a cigarette to his lips and lit it.

He'd leave messages if he thought it would work. But he knew she was too stubborn to give in, to let him back in. Not unless he showed up tomorrow, with a ring and a list of reasons why he was wrong. But he was too stubborn to bend to her will just to get her back in his life. He was pursuing his future. Their future.

Be he longed to be back where they were in love. Making out in the mouth of the devil, without a single worry. He missed her touch, her body against his. He missed feeling whole, feeling part of him come alive in the way only she knew how to do. His confidence had left him long ago. 

God, he missed her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Mouth of the Devil" by Mother Mother


	5. Like I Did

"Tell me is he everything you wanted?  
Tell me does he love like I did?  
I hope when you think about it you know,  
What you got with him won't even come close.  
Tell me, does he love you like I did?  
He can't give you that, all the magic that we had."

Petras sat in the window. His feet rested on that tiny fire escape that he used as a balcony, and the rest of him was perched on the window sill. He glanced back behind him at the chaos in his room. He'd destroyed it when he gotten the call. After he got off work, of course. He wasn't actually sure why he did that. He wasn't normally a violent minded person. He was pretty sure its because Minerva was involved. He heard his phone ringing. It wasn't Minerva, he was sure.

He focused on the problem. He was her best friend, he was supportive. He promised to make it to the wedding as soon as they had a date. He frowned as he even thought the word. Minerva was getting married to Seamus. Not him. Someone else. And it put an awful taste in his mouth. He turned back to his view of the city. 

He lifted the bottle beside him and took a long pull from the bottle of tequila. God, it was awful. As he lit a cigarette, he had the brief realization that that might have been Belle calling him. Of course she would. She was just getting home and wanted to talk to him before they went to bed. He appreiciated the thought, the concern. They were dating, and honestly, he didn't deserve her. He deserved to be alone, but he was far too reliant on being social to avoid people. And Minerva was moving on, so he should to. If all else fails, just to keep her happy.

He took a drag off the cigarette and let himself cry. He had to accept these things, to go through them and not fight them. If he did, he'd only hurt worse further down the road. He remembered every minute of his time with her more vividly than he ever had before. The way her hair falls across her face when she turned to look at him where they were laying in the tall grass. He could feel himself sobbing as he let it out, memorizing that memory.

If Seamus loved her, and he made her happy, then he was fine. He had to be. But he missed their magic. He always would. He opened his eyes to look up at the moon. He knew there were still tears falling, but he wasn't sobbing anymore. Just crying silently as he listened to the sounds of the city below him. He hated it here. It would never be home to him. He missed his woods.

Thankfully he didn't have much more time here in this hellhole. Only six more months.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Like I Did" by Shane Harper


	6. Paris

"I thought, "Wow, if I could take this in a shot right now,  
I don't think that we could work this out."  
Out on the terrace.  
I don't know if it's fair but I thought, "How could I let you fall by yourself,  
While I'm wasted with someone else?""

He was married now. Hell, he was at his reception. He sat next to Belle, and held her hand. He smiled at toasts, and thanked people. He managed to speak from his heart when he said a toast of his own. He did love Belle. It was different, but he loved her. She was kind, gentle, sweet. It was him that was broken. Once the toasts and food were done, they were allowed to wander.

He made his way to the bar. He needed something to drink that was just a little stronger than the wine. He saw Minerva there. Her husband, Seamus, was there with her. He said something that made her laugh. And she was still incredible. The last time he'd seen her in person was at her own wedding. Before he finished the training that kept him out of town. He and Belle had already moved back. He ordered a couple shots, smiling at the congratulations given to him by the bartender. He gave his thanks and took his shots quickly.

He stood there, keeping his eyes on the empty shot glasses in front of him. Before he had to worry about talking himself out of talking to Minerva, he heard the call for his name. He looked up and saw that he was being told to go to the dance floor. Right. He had a dance. He gave a heavy sigh of defeat, before he turned his head and caught Minerva watching him. There was something in her eyes. Some kind of understanding, a longing he knew they had to let go of now.

He walked out to the dance floor, and smiled when he saw his wife. He had to get used to that. He took her hand, settling a hand on her waist. As he danced with her, he smiled at her. He really did love her. Belle was an amazing woman. And he felt an incredible punch of guilt to his gut when he looked up from those soft brown eyes and loving smile to look for the ones that always stir up a storm in his soul.

He smiled faintly and stopped dancing to pull Belle in against him gently. As he swayed with her, he promised himself he'd give her the life she deserved, even if he quietly hated himself. She had nothing to do with that, and she'd never see it. He kissed her on the forehead as he looked across the floor again and locked eyes with Minerva.

He hated himself for wishing it was her there in his arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Paris" by The Chainsmokers


	7. I Will Buy You a New Life

"I will buy you a garden where your flowers can bloom.  
I will buy you a new car, perfect shiny and new.  
I will buy you that big house way up in the west hills.  
I will buy you a new life,  
Yes I will."

Petras waited to be let inside. He had Rufioh balanced on his hip. He laughed as his son told him about his day at preschool that day. Aranea stood beside him, huddling at his side. She was a quiet girl, she always had been. She could play with the best of them, but today she just wanted to hide. He looked down and rested a hand on the top of her head, smiling reassuringly down at her. She jumped a little, but when she looked up at him she rewarded him with a smile.

He heard movement inside and the door opened enough that he could push it in and enter the house. He sat Rufioh down pushed the door in quietly. He instructed them to go play in the backyard. He watched them run outside with a smile. There was a fence, and he could see them both through the giant sliding glass doors. He turned to find Minerva, registering that she was sitting down at the bar next to the answering machine and a bottle of vodka. She was wearing yoga pants and a sweater. He gave her a questioning look as he moved over to her.

Minerva looked up and smiled, and he could feel his heart breaking. Something was really wrong. She reached over and pressed the button on the offending object, leaning against Petras as he moved to her side.

"Seamus, it's Candy. Your son's been asking about you. Maybe get your ass over here and see him some more." The voice that came out of the machine was a woman's, and clearly someone who probably smoked more than he did. Also, apparently Seamus had a son. 

"Got that today. Guess how old his son is?" She asked him from where she rested her back against him. Before he could answer, the kids outside laughed loudly. Whatever had been bothering Aranea earlier was now clearly forgotten. He looked back down to Minerva when she spoke again. "Four years old, Petras. The same age as Aranea. And his name is Cronus. I'm sure he's a sweet kid. I hope he got all of his mother, and none of his father. Because then he might stand a chance of being a better man than his father really is." She finished her drink.

Petras frowned and moved away. He turned her gently around in the bar chair and lifted her up to sit her there on the counter. He wrapped her up in his arms and held her, before he finally spoke.

"Minnie, leave him. He's bad, you know he is. Leave him." He kissed the top of her head as he watched out the windows. He saw Aranea stop and look inside. She smiled at him, and he swore he could see her eyes sparkling. They always reminded him of Minerva's. But if you looked closely, you could see the stormy purple of Seamus's in little places. As if she's cursed to carry a little bit of both those storms in one body. He felt movement and let go of Minerva. Laughing, she'd been laughing. She slipped off the counter as quickly as he'd set her on it.

"And then what? Stay here? Move somewhere else entirely? Uproot Aranea entirely? No. No, I'm here. He's sleeping around. That's fine. Whatever. But he's the father of my daughter. I have to stay." She sighed and poured herself another drink.

"Leave him. And...I'll leave Belle. We'll get married, and go wherever you want. We can be a family, Minnie." The words left his mouth before he could stop them. It was silent for what felt like hours before she spoke again.

"No. I appreciate the thought, Petras. But we couldn't do that to the kids." He noticed her watching out the window and smiling now at the children. "And you can't do that to Belle. You're too nice. I'll need more reason to destroy the only bit of stability our kids have." 

He took her in now. She hadn't done her makeup today. Her hair was brushed, but she'd pulled it into a ponytail. Her pants fit her well, but her sweater seemed baggy on her. The edge of a sleeve slipped down as she twiddled with the bottle absentmindedly, and his breath caught in his throat as he saw the bruises. He reached over and took her hand in his, lifting the sleeve slightly back. He managed to confirm the bruise was there before she pulled her hand back gently.

"I'm fine. I kept him from Aranea. Besides, you should see him." She responded, dismissing the subject immediately. He knew she wouldn't accept the sympathy or the concern, so he let it go. For now.

"Alright. But I'm here for you and Aranea. I always will be. And she can come stay the night whenever she needs to." Whenever Seamus was being an asshole, he meant. He didn't have to say it aloud. He knew she understood when she turned to look at him again and nodded. He changed the topic. "She's a good kid. Did you know she can already read?"

"Really? I didn't. She definitely got it from me." She laughed and let him change the topic. He felt powerless, because he wanted to help her. And if distracting her was all she'd let him do, then he'd do that instead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I Will Buy You a New Life" by Everclear


	8. Believer

"By the grace of the fire and the flames,  
You're the face of the future, the blood in my veins.  
But they never did, ever lived, ebbing and flowing;  
Inhibited, limited, 'til it broke open and rained down like...  
Pain! You made me a, you made me a believer, believer!  
Pain! You break me down, you build me up, believer, believer!"

Petras sat with Minerva in her living room. The kids were playing out in the yard again. He picked them up from school and brought them back. Everyone at the school knew why he picked up Aranea. He was going to go take care of Minerva. He thinks that almost everyone there just thought he was Aranea's real father. He wanted to be, so he let them all think it. He suspected the kids didn't correct anyone either.

He told a joke, and she laughed. God, he loved her laugh. He missed it too. It was almost a cackle when she really meant it. She turned and balanced her wine glass carefully as she turned and sat her bare feet in his lap. He lifted his hands to them and lifted one up, massaging it without a second thought. He smiled at her as he met her eyes. He caught her blush as she looked away, back down at her drink.

He was glad she was wearing shorts and a tank top today. He knew it meant she didn't have any bruises she was trying to hide. And he knew she was feeling better today because she had her makeup on. Her hair was brushed, even braided. She wasn't as drunk yet. It was like she was drinking just enough not to ache. It was great to see her being herself. And she was letting herself be close to him. And he was only a little tense. Because they were both trying to stay platonic while they played house everyday.

It'd been a two years since they last talked about divorce. Or rather, since he talked about divorce. He knew it still ate at her, that Seamus was off with his son. They never spoke of it, a silent agreement between the two of them to never bring it up. So he honored that trust. He stayed at her side whenever he could get away, and stayed strong for her. He held her up and took care of her, just like he always promised.

Every day was the same. He picked up the kids, he stopped by to visit. He'd head back to the house around six to cook dinner. He'd make extra, and bring it over to Minerva and Aranea when Belle got back from her shift at the hospital. He'd talk to Rufioh about his day in this time. He'd go eat with them, and talk to Aranea about her day. And he would tuck her in and read her a bedtime story. He'd come back and sit out on the back porch with Minnie and sit on the swing and look up at the sky. He'd kiss her on the top of the head before he left, hugging her closer than he probably should. Then he went home and read to his son, and tucked him in. And then he watched TV with Belle tucked up under his arm.

He should have felt guilty. Instead, he just wanted more. And he kept it where they were because that's what Minerva was comfortable with. He knew they were still just as in love now as they were when they were kids. Except now, instead of driving cars with her eyes closed, she was laughing. She was living, she was fighting. And when he was around, she was herself. And he remembered how beautiful she really was every time he looked at her.

He believed in love again. And it was still Minerva who held his heart. She always would. He accepted that; it wouldn't do him any good to fight it. She broke him down, and she built him up. And just like when they were kids, she forced him to bend with the wind and live. She was still a hurricane, but he knew how to weather her storm better than anyone else.

He lifted her foot up and pressed a kiss to her ankle. She blushed again and he laughed, looking out the window at the kids. They were playing on the swingset out there, talking quietly between each other. He glanced at Minnie and smiled. He didn't have to tell her, she knew. He loved her, and their kids.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Believer" by Imagine Dragons


	9. Weak

"One sip, bad for me.  
One hit, bad for me.  
One kiss, bad for me.  
But I give in so easily.  
And no thank you is how it should've gone,  
I should stay strong.  
But I'm weak! And what's wrong with that?  
Boy, oh boy I love it when I fall for that!"

The first time, Petras sat on the couch, Minerva lying stretched out in her nightgown. she rested her head in his lap and looked up at him. She was smiling at him, a faint blush across her cheeks. She didn't stop him when he raised his hand to her cheek. He stroked her cheek gently, the alcohol making his vision fade around the edges a little bit.

She'd called for him earlier. Just before Belle had gotten home. She was upset about something. He made out enough to understand Seamus's name and something about cheating. They must had fought earlier about something. When Belle got home, he told her he had to go check on Minerva. She understood, just as worried about the woman as him. He kissed her goodbye and headed over. When he got there, she was easier to understand. He poured them both a drink as she told him about the fight.

And now, they were both drunk, and sitting in a comfortable silence. She had some kind of music playing softly in the background, and the only light was the lamps. And as he held her cheek in his hand, he thanked God she didn't have any bruises. And Aranea was spending the night over at a friend of her's. She sat up after a minute, to be eye level with him after a while.

He glanced down at her lips, and before he could chicken out, he kissed her. And she kissed him back, climbing into his lap. It felt like his soul was back in his body. He felt complete, and whole. And he felt alive, like he was standing in a fire that couldn't burn him. It felt warm and wild, but safe and secure. He wrapped his arms around her waist and held her close. He slid his hands up her nightgown, trying to touch every inch of her he could before god forbid something stopped him. He felt like he was drowning, and she was his source of air. Cheesey metaphors aside, it was amazing.

He broke the kiss to look into her eyes. He could see that storm brewing. He watched her hesitate for only a second before a grin split her face. He smiled too and leaned in to kiss her again. He picked her up and carried her to the bedroom. He enjoyed every minute of the love they made, and every second of just laying there with her in his arms again. He promised he'd be back tomorrow. He'd bring lunch over, since it was his day off.

There were several times after that. He was her's completely after that kiss. They only lacked a title, and he once more thought hard about that word she didn't like.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Weak" by AJR


	10. i could change ur life

"'Cause my favorite part of you is that it isn't 'bout the shoes,  
Or the house or the cars or the stars or the loot.  
It's the way you make me feel, that's how I know it's real.  
You turn my blues to teal, you change my life, you know the deal, yeah.  
I'll be your one if you want me to,  
I can be everything to you.  
I could change your life,  
Fuck it, just might."

Petras was on his way home. Aranea was talking from the backseat about her day. He smiled as he glanced at her occasionally in the rear view mirror. She talked a lot, and he encouraged it. If she could be good at talking, she could get far in life. And she was already so smart. Rufioh was clever, and he could figure his way out of tough situations. Math kicked his ass, but he excelled in gym. His son was basically just him remade, and it made him laugh sometimes.

He pulled up in front of Minerva's. He smiled as the kids raced each other inside. Minerva opened the door before they could throw it open, hand resting on her stomach. She smiled and greeted Petras, waving him inside. She had actually cooked something today. She was sober, and she was the picture perfect wife.

She was also pregnant.

He instructed the kids to grab food and head upstairs to work on their homework. They each gave a nod of acknowledgment, grabbed their backpacks and some snacks, and ran upstairs. When they were upstairs, he moved over and rested his hands on her stomach, at the faint bump there. He smiled and kissed her gently.

"How was your day?" He asked before finally letting go, her hands finding his now.

"It was good. The appointment went smoothly. Everything's okay. And it's a girl." She responded, answering his question before he could even ask. He watched her carefully, slowly smiling widely.

"We're having a girl," he whispered as he watched her face, watching her smile finally. "Have you thought of any names?"

"I was thinking...Vriska." She answered, as she looked down at her stomach with her own faint smile.

"Vriska...what about her middle name?" He walked over to the fridge, getting himself a bottle of water.

"No idea," was her immediate blunt response. He laughed before taking a swig of water, thinking hard about names he liked.

"Skye. To always remind her to look for a silver lining. And every storm is weatherable. You just have to stay strong." He moved over and set down at the dining table where she had a sandwich waiting for him. She nodded agreement and came to sit in her own seat. He ate a little before he finally brought it up. "Minnie, I know we've talked about this before. But say the word, and we'll be a family."

"We're already a family, Petras. We can't...we can stay how we already are. I don't want to take everything the kids know and ruin it. Seamus stays away, and you're here to eat dinner with us, and you have helped Aranea come out of her shell so much. I don't want to lose this." She shook her head, not looking him in the eyes.

"Minnie...you'd never lose me. Never again." He reached over and took her hand.

"I know, but I don't. Just...no more talk of divorce. Not right now." She answered, holding his hand and looking up at him now cautiously. He nodded and let it go again.

"Well, I'm here. And I'll be here. And I'll stay here. For Aranea and Vriska too. Maybe she'll get along well with her brother in highschool. And both her and Tavros will have the best older siblings." He changed the subject, grinning when he heard a laugh from upstairs. They really did act like they were siblings.

"Yeah, they will. They already have the best parents." Minerva responded. He knew she included Belle in that. He did too. And every now and then, he had a day where he hated himself and he felt guilty. Not about anything he's done, but the fact that he didn't feel guilty at all about it. Right now, he wanted to think positively.

"I'm your everything, and I always will be Minerva. One day." He made the same promise he always did. He kissed her goodbye. He had to go make dinner for Belle when she got home. He called to Rufioh, telling him to come home when he was done with his homework. Petras knew Aranea was good at math, and she'd love to teach Rufioh. She'd be a good teacher.

He hummed as he headed out to his car to move it back to his own driveway. He had a little secret, and it was the greatest secret ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "i could change ur life" by gnash


	11. Fall to My Knees

"I've been beaten down,  
Still I reign true.  
I've worn the crown,  
As I've run this sue.  
Will I have the strength?  
Will I feel resolved?  
Will I go on?  
I fell to my knees."

Petras held his wife's hand. He'd called Minerva. She said Vriska was also there. And holy shit, they'd been in the same accident. It took it out of him, and his body felt heavy. He wished Minerva was there. And he felt guilty about that. Belle could die at any minute, and he still wasn't completely with her. He held her hand and laid his head down on the bed beside her. He cried quietly, alone with his thoughts.

He stirred when he felt a hand in his hair. He looked up to see her smiling down at him. It looked like just breathing hurt her. 

"It's okay, Petras...I love you. Take care of the boys. It's okay." She whispered the words once, then again. She had a look of serinity on her. He held her hand tightly now.

"Belle? Belle, baby...I love you. And I'm sorry." He cried again, holding her hand to his cheek. She smiled at him and nodded. She knew that. And then she was gone. He heard the machine flatline and his breath caught in his throat. She was gone. He couldn't even register her words. He let go of her hand and stood up, pressing a kiss to her forehead. He brushed his fingers over her eyes, closing them. He left when the nurses rushed in. She'd been ready.

He dragged himself to Tavros's room. He sat beside his son and held his hand next. He was stable. He'd been relatively lucky, they had said. The room was decorated wth so many vases, and stuffed animals. His wife had worked here. And everyone had been concerned with Tavros. He was thankful. He kissed his son's hand before standing up. He couldn't stay here right this minute. He had to go somewhere.

He dredged through the halls one more time. He didn't stop moving until he was sitting in the chair beside Vriska's bed. Every time he saw her, he thought she looked more fragile than last time. And she looked so broken.

He took her hand in his. He spoke quietly. She wouldn't hear him. They had her pretty well sedated from what he'd heard.

"I swear on everything I hold sacred...you will never be hurt again, babygirl. I will keep you safe the best I can. And I love you. I've always loved you. And I'm so proud of you. You'll be brave. If anyone can get through this, it's you. You're so tough, just like your mother. You just have to learn to adapt to life." He cried quietly. He'd promised to keep her safe. He'd promised. But he had to take Aranea to the library, and Rufioh to work. He couldn't get Vriska from school that day. Minerva was talking to her lawyer, trying to make sure she got full custody. It was the only thing she had left on her war path.

He was the reason she was here. The reason Belle was gone, why Tavros would never walk again. Because he'd been too busy. He could have gotten them. He could have gone late, and called the school to let them know.

He cried and whispered promises to his daughter, that he'd tell her the truth as soon as he knew she was ready. He stayed there until he couldn't anymore. He wandered around for a couple hours, and then headed to the lobby. He saw Minerva there. He went straight to her and pulled her into his arms.

"She's gone," he whispered, and he felt her arms around his waist. And he cried again. He felt his body weakening, and he lowered them both to the ground to their knees. He felt so heavy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Fall to My Knees" by Abney Park


	12. History

"It's like we never really ever closed that door.  
It's nothing we did,  
And now our hearts want more.  
Baby, you're so perfect.  
But she's the perfect one for me.  
I know that you're worth it,  
But something 'bout her gets to me.  
Gets to me, all I need,  
Plus we got history..."

Petras had driven out to the cemetery. He held a bouquet in his hands. A dozen white roses. They had been her favorite. She thought they looked more delicate than the strong red roses. He thought that comparison was cute. He missed her sometimes, but everyone misses the dead at some point. Though he didn't blame himself now. Well, not as much as he first did. For the first time, Minerva had had to carry him along for a while.

He was standing at the gate, staring at the flowers for a while. He nodded, an action mostly for himself. He walked through those large gates, heading towards where her grave was. He found it and he brushed the leaves off it. He sat the roses down and sat down on the ground in front of her grave. He read the letters across the stone. "Belle Nitram. Beloved wife and mother. You will be missed." He ignored the dates. He focused on the words.

She had been a great mother, even trying to reach out to Aranea and Vriska too. And both his boys were incredible. Rufioh was so confident, and he had found an amazing person to keep in his life. Tavros had had to build up his confidence again, but he was back to his happy old self. She'd given him strong boys. He believed in spirits existing past death. Before you're reborn, you wander. And if you needed to speak with the departed, he had a small window. It'd been a while, but he knew she'd hear him. She always listened to him before. He cleared his throat and spoke to the empty air now. 

"Belle, baby. I know I've been by to talk, but we haven't really talked, doll. I've got some truth that I really need you to know." He took a deep breath. He was talking to someone who couldn't even be upset with him choking on his words, and he still felt bad he had to take so long to spit words out of his mouth. "Minerva...I love her. I never stopped. And I'm sorry about that. I should have loved you more than I did, told you more. Because I did."

He looked around the graveyard. No one was around, and he could take his cigarette butt with him. He lit a cigarette to further procrastinate telling his dead wife he cheated on her.

"Vriska is mine. We...Minnie and I...we slept together. A lot. It hadn't always been like that. But I loved her, and she was right there. And she needed me. And really, I needed her. Because I loved you, so much. But I had felt so...soulless when I met you. And it just...I never got past it, I never moved on. And I felt guilty because I couldn't give you that part of me. But you didn't care. You took me for who I was, and I do thank you. You saved my life."

He took a long drag off his cigarette, stopping to stare up at the sky. He thought of Vriska, and her approaching wedding. She still didn't know the truth either. They should tell her. He thought it would be better after her wedding. He didn't want to stress her out. And he had heard from Minerva that Gregory Makara was walking her down the aisle. He approved, though he didn't know the man well. He sensed he had morals, even if trouble almost followed him at the heels like an assistant. But it was never around the family, it seemed. He was getting off topic again. He made himself speak again.

"I think I raised Aranea as mine too. She needed it, and I'm glad to be her father. I hope to make it official. I need to tell Vriska. But I wanted to thank you. You gave me a beautiful family, and now I can keep taking care of our family. Of my family, all of it. I'm sorry I couldn't let go of the past, but I think our life together was pretty good. I don't regret it either, if it helps." He closed his eyes, and he could see her face. It was a fuzzy memory, her sitting in the grass. A flower crown upon her black hair. She was playing with a one year old Rufioh, holding his little hands and talking to him.

Then he remembered her face in those last moments. They way she looked at him, with serenity, with acceptance. Even as she left him, she was graceful. Small, delicate. He always thought of her as a fairy. So small and kind. Her voice still reminded him of wind chimes in a summer breeze. *'It's okay, Petras. It's okay.'* He could feel a single tear slip down his cheek as he realized what she said.

He thought she meant she was okay with passing. He already knew she was. They'd talked about it before. Belle knew he had been with Minerva. She knew his heart had never been her's fully, and she was forgiving him. He let himself cry as he felt a weight lift from him. He felt blessed. He told the truth. He could have a family again. And at the very least, he had Minerva at his side again.

He felt whole again. He felt alive when he was beside her. Hell, when he thought of her his heart soared. He felt...resolved. He could start his new life, adapt to the hand dealt to him. He needed to go see Minerva again. He went to stand up, finishing the cigarette and putting it out on his shoe. He looked at the gravestone, and laid his hand on it lightly.

"Thank you." He didn't have to say more. He knew her spirit heard his soul. He closed his eyes and imagined she laid her hand on his briefly. He smiled and left; a better man now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "History" by Olivia Holt

**Author's Note:**

> "Shape Of You" by Ed Sheeran


End file.
